the perks of being clumsy

Floating across the room has never been my forte; however, being clumsier than a rock provides me with many opportunities. Without this valuable skill, I would never have become such close friends with the floor. With the amount of effort we spend polishing the floor, it is a shame that people do not spend more time peering closely at it – from the ground, of course.

With my awesome ability to trip over any object, I have gained much research experience performing my heroic duties. Every time I trip and fall, I test the forces of gravity.  I save the world, one fall at a time.

When I was six, my parents enrolled me in dance classes. My first lesson was a memorable one. I not only knocked over my dance teacher, but I also accidentally banged my head against the barre. When my dance teacher finally recognized my immense talent in clumsiness, she immediately kept her distance, jealous of my potential. As the years passed, my skills only progressed. I kicked myself in the head while doing a botma. My head greeted my old friend – the floor – while stretching in my splits. I earned several beautiful bruises when coming out of fouttes with an illusion. One by one, my badges of clumsiness slowly accumulated.

While many claim that clumsiness is a curse, I believe in the power of the klutz. Because of my talent, people find me funny. Stories of walking into poles, tumbling down stairs, and falling face first during graduation have led to many bouts of belly-aching laughter and knee slapping joviality.

Clumsiness has also helped me fit in with all the pre-meds on this campus. As a pre-optometry student in my narrative medicine class, eye often feel disjointed. Because I am prone to scratches, bruises, and broken bones, I have gained many first-hand clinical experiences, learning through all my check-ups that I do not want to chase the MD (let’s be real, I would fall!).

So, when you are all in medical school and need patients to examine, I will always be available, most definitely injured.

 

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the first month of college

YAY EDUCATION.

Coming back to college is always fun. Decorating your new space, reuniting with friends, eating too much food with your roommates, it’s all a swirl of fun. That is, until the first test hits. BUT, my first test hasn’t hit yet, so here’s a list of fun things that everyone should do in when they come back to college (or just anytime bc the first month already passed ahaha rip my idea)!

  1. Decorate your dorm room!!! You’re going to be spending a whole bunch of time here, so you might as well make it look nice (aka give your eyes something nice to look at after staring at yucky homework for hours)
  2. Have a midnight feast with your roomies! What better way to bond than to eat a crap ton of junk food and talk late into the night?
  3. Go on a shopping spree with friends. I mean you’re obviously stressed (not yet but oh well) and retail therapy is the best therapy! You now have a lot more people to review your clothing choices, so make the most of it!
  4. Go to a workout class at the gym. It’s the beginning of the semester, and you’re still (somewhat) fresh and full of energy. Go rock that Aquadance class and crush it at kickboxing. Sure, your body might die, but hey, at least you’re making the most of your gym fee.
  5. BAKE. What better way to procrastinate on writing that 15 page research paper and literary analysis? Plus, you’ll have the added bonus of eating whatever you make, soooo it’s basically a win-win situation.
  6. Have a game night. The perfect way to laugh the night (and morning) away with your friends.
  7. Make brunch with your roomies! Toaster waffles, chocolate, fresh fruit, whipped cream, and a whole lot of bacon are a perfect way to start a lazy Saturday.
  8. Hit up all the events with free food. It’s the beginning of the semester. Trust me. There will be free food.

And that’s how you do it. That’s how you have the best first month of college.

Brb, crying because my first test is on Tuesday.

Enjoying life (minus the test),

Emily

PS-ahahahaha I’m stressed but also happy because I just ate a whole bunch of waffles.

begging for respect

“Hey babe, why don’t you come over and stay up all night with me?”

“Come play with me.”

“Why don’t you show me what’s under that dress of yours?”

“Dang, she thick!”

“Smile for me, baby.”

These are just a handful of phrases that have been flung my way in conversations on the streets, in text messages, in grocery stores, in gyms, in elevators, EVERYWHERE. I don’t walk outside by myself at night at all, for fear of who/ what is lurking in the shadows. Going about daily life in broad daylight hasn’t been much better. Accompanied with once-overs and intense stares, I have felt unsafe, nervous, and have even been followed back to my apartment by a STRANGER (thank goodness for automatically locking gates).

What kind of society is this? What happened to being polite? Respecting women?

Am I no more than my body? My “juicy” butt? What about the GPA that I have worked so hard for? What about the fact that I have been classically trained in dance and piano for 15 years? What about the fact that I got into the early optometry school acceptance program? What about the fact that I am accomplished in making puns? What about the fact that I can make the BEST chocolate chip cookies? Do all of my accomplishments and my personality not matter? Am I nothing more than a sexual object?

I don’t want to hear things about my butt, how good I look, and don’t even mention that three letter word that begins with “s” and ends with “ex”. Listen. Get to know me. Please, I’m begging you.

You must be thinking, this girl is a skank. She got what she deserved because of the way she dressed. That’s not the case here. I have been catcalled in a baggy t-shirt and leggings as well as in a turtleneck sweater and jeans. That time that I was followed to my apartment by a stranger? Yeah, I was wearing professional attire– a dress with a neckline at my collarbones, and a hemline down at my knees. It wasn’t revealing in any way.

Okay, so if it’s not the way that I dress, I must be walking through “sketchy” parts of town, right? Wrong again. I live in a well-rated, gated apartment complex right off of the UAB campus. Surrounded by a supermarket, and restaurants, it’s a pretty safe place to be. Where am I walking? I’m walking 0.7 miles to my classroom from my apartment, through the research/ medical side of campus. Considered a safe area? Definitely. Does it feel like a safe area to me? Not so much.

At first, I was consumed with guilt. I felt bad that I was causing all this turmoil around me. I was causing people to yell out of their cars, honk, type inappropriate things into their phones, and pause whatever they were doing. However, after months of trying to remedy the situation, I’ve officially given up trying.

What can I do? I’ve tried dressing modestly. I’ve tried confronting those who say these demeaning things (this was hard because I’m usually too scared to respond). I’ve avoided the “sketchy” parts of town. I’ve avoided boys (this failed, I was catcalled by girls ). So I repeat, what can I do? What more can I do?

Should I just let these people taunt me? Is there nothing I can do? There’s nothing more that I would like to do than to kick the offender in a very sensitive area, with no consequences. However, this action usually warrants rape, a fight, or in very rare cases, a reluctant apology. And just like that, I’m back to square one. What more can I do?

Flustered and frustrated,

Emily

PS- I know that not everyone is like this, but this has happened to me so much that I felt I needed to write it out to stay sane. I know this isn’t my usual happy/ awkward post about my life, but this has been something on my mind for the past few months, and it’s really started to bother me recently.

My Addiction to Drama

Pretty Little Liars is over (Okay it’s been over for a while now, but I MISS IT). I don’t know what to do. My access to soul soothing, nail-biting, heart-racing drama is gone. I know who A.D. is. There’s no more waiting or suspense. Sure, the show is still on Netflix, but the thrill of waiting, discovering new details, is gone. So, how do I fill this void in my life?

Three words: I make drama.

LOL JK. I’m too busy to create drama.

I look at my surroundings. Animals are adorable. People are hilarious. Who would have thought that paying attention to your surroundings would be so much fun?

In this day and age, when everyone is running around staring at their phones, tablets, and not looking at the world around them, many small, fun details are lost. Just the other day, I glanced up from my Instagram feed to see a bird hopping over to a squirrel. Intrigued, I stopped in my tracks (causing the person walking behind me to bump into me but lol that’s not the point). The bird was holding a big ol’ piece of bread and wowza that bread looked good (I hadn’t eaten breakfast). But it was what happened next that surprised me and almost had me happy crying– the bird dropped the piece of bread in front of the squirrel.

By this time, I was freaking out and struggling not to make any high-pitched squeals that would scare the two lil’ fluffballs. The squirrel then proceeded to take the piece of bread, eat a good half of it, and place the rest of the bread on the ground. The bird then began to peck at the bread (I was totally thinking about the bird’s crop and gizzard. I know I know, I’m a nerd. It’s not my fault, we had just learned about this.)

I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I HAD JUST SEEN THE SECRET FRIENDSHIP OF A SQUIRREL AND A BIRD. Was this even possible? Are all birds and squirrels friends? What else have I been missing out on??!!!!

Not staring at your phone while walking also helps you not trip as much. Oh, and it also helps you not get run over by a car. Pfft I’m not speaking from personal experience or anything. (Fun fact: if you look up from your phone when walking, you can watch other people walking while looking at their phones almost get run over by cars. Let me just tell you, it’s so much more suspenseful and dramatic than PLL.)

Happy world-watching!!!!

Love,

Emily

PS- yes, I’ve almost been hit by multiple cars

PPS- it’s okay I survived I’m still alive

after the date

Once upon a time, I had a coffee date. It went swimmingly and we talked about anything and everything: dogs, coffee, classes that we were taking. When the date came to a close, we awkwardly (and I mean AWKWARDLY) hugged and exchanged numbers, promising to meet again. As I walked away, I couldn’t help but do a subtle (kinda) look back at him (WE LOCKED EYES IT WAS AWKWARD) and smile. Life was great.

It wasn’t until a day had passed that I began to think (aka overthink). Did he have fun? Did I have fun?! Was I supposed to make the next move because he was the one that initiated our date??

I turned to my trusty search engine, Google, and immediately stumbled upon a plethora of posts about second dates. I quickly became overwhelmed and ended up laying on the floor. The majority of posts said that the guy would contact me immediately after the date if he enjoyed the date. I let out a sigh as I laid on the floor and began to contemplate my life choices. He didn’t like me. He hadn’t enjoyed our date.

During my mini breakdown on the floor, I remembered the conversation that I had with some of my friends right after I had gotten back from my date. They had screamed (a LOT) and reassured me (after I had spilled all the details) that my date and I definitely had chemistry (ahahaha funny because he’s a chemistry TA) and that we were going to be a great couple. They had then advised me to wait a couple of days before I contacted him, so that I wouldn’t seem too desperate.

It hit me. If that’s what I was doing, then was he doing the same thing? Was he waiting on a set number of days to pass before he hit me up again? Or was he waiting on me to make the second move?

Anywhoo, none of this matters anymore, because I’m going to see him in a class tomorrow and I’ve decided to ask him to go with me to a cool event that’s happening on campus.

Wish me luck!

Emily

PS- AHAHAHA I’M SO NERVOUS SEND HELP

first date

I’m going on a date with a guy today and I can’t breathe– mainly because my skort is kinda tight and I ate a bunch of chicken nuggets, but also because I’M GOING ON A DATE WITH A GUY TODAY.

It all happened so fast. One day we were hanging out as retreat partners for the honors college, and the next day I’m telling my roommate how cool he is and screaming that he asked me out (we ran down the hall screaming rip other residents).

Being very (VERY) scared of commitment, I waited for the wave of terror to wash over me, but it didn’t come. Surprised, I talked it over with three of my closest friends in the dorm, and then screamed my way back to my room. I was pumped.

Then a couple of days passed, and I FREAKED OUT. We had spent 4 hours together the first day, and no time together the next 2 days. I was low key forgetting what he looked like, and what his personality was like. That’s when I REALLY freaked out. WHAT DID HE THINK ABOUT ME? DID HE THINK I WAS WEIRD? OMG DID I REPLY TOO ENTHUSIASTICALLY TO HIS MESSAGE? WHY DIDN’T HE LIKE MY MESSAGE THAT I WAS REALLY EXCITED? WAS IT TOO MUCH? WAS I TOO MUCH?

Anyways, I’m headed off to my coffee date (omg omg omg I’m so nervous) and I’ll keep you guys updated on how it goes.

Searching for love,

Emily

PS- ready for coffee

PPS- maybe I should get water because my legs are shaking

 

you know you’re best friends when

Best friends. Gotta love them. They’re always there for you, you’re always there for them. Wouldn’t be able to survive without them. I’ve been feeling especially appreciative of my bestie recently (she gave me her one card to use up the rest of her dining dollars) so I’ve decided to write a post about her.

You know you’re best franndddss 5ever when you:

  1. Constantly text each other. When you’re not tagging each other in funny memes, you’re giving them updates on how hot the dude sitting in front of you is or ranting about life.
  2. Talk on the phone for hours. You can’t stand to be separated, and sometimes your fingers just can’t move fast enough to text everything out.
  3. Have a mashup name because you’re always together and it’s so much easier for other people to say one name than two names.
  4. Have people automatically assume that something’s wrong with the other one when you’re not together
  5. Sit together in class. Always. This is especially fun when you get bored and start *discreetly* typing away (texting each other) on your computer about “Hot Arms” who sits in front of you. (He has REALLY HOT ARMS. Seriously.)
  6. Friend hot people on social media together. Perfect for when you’re bored in class. “You ready?” “Yeah BORN READY. On three.” “One.” “Two” “Three”. “Dang it hold on my computer won’t load. OMG I lost wifi connection. Do you think the professor’s onto us? Nah jk it just reloaded. Ready when you are.”
  7. Three words: late night feasts. Basically when you eat everything in the pantry and make trips for fries and greasy food.
  8. Work out together. I mean, you gotta work off the midnight feast that you ate the night before. Who better to do it with than with your best friend who was right there with you? Plus, workouts are always less painful when you’re doing them with your bestie.
  9. Act as each other’s personal therapists. Got a problem with a guy? Bestie’s got ya. Rocky situation with your parents or your other friends? Bestie’s got ya.
  10. Be each other’s personal zit poppers. Hey, what are besties for?
  11. Personal stylist/ second closet. No explanation needed.
  12. Are each other’s personal cheerleader. Doing a presentation? They’ll be the first one cheering and clapping. Attempting a cartwheel in the hall? Yeah they’ll be right there next to you cheering you on.
  13. Immediately look at each other across the room when someone does something stupid. You’ve effectively mastered communicating through eye contact and eyebrow wiggles.
  14. Have a bajillion inside jokes that you both start laughing at when you’re triggered.
  15. Talk to their parents and siblings. Because you’re that close and it’s actually pretty fun.
  16. Plan out your futures where you end up living in houses right next to each other with a secret tunnel that connects the two. Oh and your kids are going to be best friends/ lovers so you can officially become family.

The list could go on and on, but my bestie’s calling so I gotta go. Best friends are the best.

Appreciating my best friend,

Emily

traveling again pt. 1: spinning in circles

Once upon a time, I leave New York to go back home to Alabama. The thing I dreaded the most? The airport.

If you’ve read some of my previous blogs, you’ll know that I am EXTREMELY directionally challenged. This trip proved nothing different.

I walked into the airport optimistically. I had managed to survive the flights and layover to New York, so the flights and layover back shouldn’t be too bad, right? Wrong. My ability to get lost surprised me in new ways that I had never even imagined.

Let’s start off at the beginning, shall we? I found my way to the check in desk, and managed to check-in without any big problems. However, the problems came and followed me around when I began to look for the security check.

I began walking through the check-in area, searching for a sign or directions (or anything really, I was desperate) to the security check. However, when I came face-to-face with the wall of a dead end, I figured I had gone the wrong way. I quickly re-traced my steps and found an escalator. Elated, I took the escalator down to the floor below and began my walk through baggage claims and rental car kiosks. Unfortunately for me, the baggage claim area was really crowded, and I got pushed around until I fell onto one of the moving baggage carousels (tbh I’m actually really surprised and relieved that the thing didn’t break when I thudded my way onto it). I tumbled about in the moving circle as I struggled to somehow get off. Suddenly, a (very attractive ahaha) male stranger kindly reached his hand out to help me off. When I got my feet back onto stable ground, he joked, “Cutest piece of baggage I’ve ever seen.” I began to laugh, but then I caught sight of the time. I had exactly 30 minutes to find and get through security before my plane began boarding. My happy laugh quickly turned into a nervous laugh and I tossed a “thank you” over my shoulder as I began speed-walking my way over to the information desk for help.

The information desk assistant definitely thought there was something wrong with me when I ran up to her and asked her where the security check was, but she pointed me back up the escalator (it was in the opposite direction that I had been walking in ugh I’m stupid) and I finally found my way over to it. The line (thank goodness) wasn’t long, and only my legs had to be patted down, so I managed to make it through relatively quickly.

Now came the hard part– finding my gate. This airport had two concourses (I know, not a lot, but definitely a lot for a directionally challenged person). I checked my ticket, took a deep breath, and made my way over to Concourse B. Fast-forward about 10 minutes, and I’m running my way over to Concourse A (my actual concourse) and trying to find my gate. Somehow, I managed to find my gate without much trouble and I made it just in time to directly board my plane (#lit who’s a boss).

So now I’m on my way to Washington D.C. for my layover back to Alabama. Fingers crossed that I won’t get lost again!

Soaring through the sky (ohmygoodness I just saw the washington monument),

Emily

PS- these pretzels are really salty

fat-shamed

Once upon a time, I met up with family in New York.

The first thing they said to me? Wow, Emily, you’ve gotten fat.

I had known that I had gotten a bit chubbier over the summer because I was cramming 24/7 for bio 2, during college (augh the freshman 15), and had been extremely stressed because I was doing research at the same time, but I hadn’t expected this response from my aunts that I hadn’t seen in years. Everything I “messed up” on had to do with weight. Can’t reach the top shelf in a store? Oh it’s because you’re fat now. Hey, if you weren’t fat, you wouldn’t have tripped on that crack in the sidewalk. Can’t fit into 0 sized jeans? Shame on you. You’re a young lady, your body is instrumental in finding a boyfriend. Every time I slumped my shoulders or didn’t have perfect posture, I was immediately reprimanded or grabbed by the shoulders so that my “fat rolls” wouldn’t show (fun fact, I only have a small fat roll when I eat a ton of food and slump over @mom you saw me one time).

I didn’t understand. When I went to have my annual check-up with my doctor a couple of weeks ago, he had told me that I was at a good weight for my height and age. He had said that I was perfectly healthy and doing well. So why was everybody suddenly so focused on my weight? What had happened in the two weeks that came in between my check-up and my trip? My weight hadn’t changed, so what could it be?

I wrestled with this during my entire trip. My body image was shot, and everything I wore seemed to look bad on me. I felt sad and uncomfortable while eating at meals and I tried to remedy this by eating less and less. To make things worse, I got my period, which meant extra bloating, stomach cramps, and hormones. I began to cry myself to sleep because I couldn’t have a “skinny” body. Surrounded by younger athletic cousins, who were extremely tall and thin, my sister (who was on her way to becoming anorexic), and family, who were punching down my self-confidence, I wanted to scream, cry, and disappear all at the same time.

After being removed from that environment (I came back to Alabama because college was starting soon) and with a bunch of motivational posts from Pinterest, I’ve managed to rebuild my body image. I’m still struggling with this issue, but I’m slowly working my way back to where I used to be.

I’ve changed my diet to be a bit healthier, but I’m mainly focused on doing what’s best for my body. I’m not one to starve myself, and I’m definitely not one to force myself to throw up. I’m taking note of the past, but moving forward.

Happy and healthy,

Emily

traveling pt. 2: still lost and hungry, but happy

I NEED COFFEE.

I officially landed and situated myself in Washington DC’s airport (YAY ME). After I took care of the more pressing matters (relieving my very full bladder and finding water), I was ready to look for my gate (layovers are so lit). I aimlessly walked around (almost out of the airport by accident #whoops) until I found a helpful TV with departing flights and their gates. I snapped a few pictures of the screen (I also accidentally took a couple selfies of myself before I realized that the front camera was on hahahaha I’m observant) and headed out to find my gate.

I was completely lost. Everyone was rushing around, rapidly talking on phones, and herding their children to different destinations. Eventually a kind stranger stopped and asked if I needed help (I had been standing to the side of the crowd with a blank look on my face). He then pointed me in the right direction, and with the help of 2 more good Samaritans, I found my gate.

After memorizing the location and taking a bunch of pictures of the surroundings, I set off to stop my (loudly) growling stomach. Because my flight was from 10 pm to 12:30 am, I knew that I would need to have some coffee to keep myself awake and coherent. Thus, I began to search for a Starbucks. My search became a bit more frantic when I couldn’t seem to find one. In my inner chaos, I managed to stumble upon an airport map (like why didn’t I find this earlier when I was trying to find my gate) where I saw the disturbing news– the airport didn’t have a Starbucks.

The world suddenly shifted and my brain immediately shut down (hahaha because it was working so well before #couldn’tfindthegate). I was shocked. What was I going to do? How was I going to use my free drink reward #goldstatus #wootwoot)????? I immediately called my mom to tell her my earth-shattering news. She didn’t exactly respond in the way that I was hoping she would (she told me to move on and stop wasting time. AUGH BUT STARBUCKS). I quickly took her words of wisdom to heart and headed off to find other food and coffee sources.

Luckily, my sense of direction seemed to be improving, as I managed to find the small food court without much trouble. I strolled through the mini restaurants and immediately lost my cool when I saw it. What was it you may be asking? It was the best thing I had ever seen in my entire life; it was an Asian restaurant dedicated to steamed buns (aka the most delicious things in the entire world). What did I do? LOL I quickly ran over to the restaurant and hopped in line. The line slowly inched forward until it suddenly surged forward, with many of the customers walking away. Surprised, I happily skipped up to the counter and spouted out my order. Unfortunately, the store had officially sold out of EVERYTHING for the day, so I was forced to forage for food elsewhere.

As I dejectedly walked away, I managed to stumble upon a pick your own topping pizza restaurant. Excited again, I jumped in line and began to plan out my pizza in my head. However, my efforts were once again foiled when the restaurant ran out of normal pizza dough. Determined to get some form of food, I asked if they had any other possible pizza doughs. They mentioned that they had a couple of gluten-free pizza crusts available, but that it would cost four dollars more. I sighed and shelled out more of my money, paying fifteen dollars for a pizza for one.

When they finally served me my pizza, I was astounded because the pizza in front of me was smothered in cheese and covered in vegetables, the opposite of what I had ordered (I had ordered a no cheese, meat pizza #lit). Being a not very take charge person, I hesitated to send back my pizza, but I had no choice because I’m lactose intolerant (and I was NOT going to have bowel issues on a plane). When I nervously sent back my pizza and asked for my actual order, they sent me a different pizza with no cheese but still with only vegetables. That’s when I officially gave up and walked back to my gate to eat my kale, cheeseless pizza.

By the time I finished half of my pizza (ew vegetables), it was time to board the plane and I didn’t have time to find a source of caffeine. Luckily, nothing too bad happened to the people surrounding me due to my lack of caffeine, and I somehow managed to communicate politely and attentively to my airplane seat neighbor (the Dr. Pepper I had on the plane might have helped because I honestly have no idea how I managed to do this).

When I finally landed in New York, I pulled out my phone, played “Welcome to New York” by Taylor Swift, and dramatically walked through the airport with a sense of wonder. I had forgotten earphones so this was slightly awkward, but people seemed to like it and the pilot even smiled at me.

All in all, the journey to New York was a struggle, but it was worth it. Being reunited with my cousins (and parents thank goodness) and exploring the big city has been so much fun, and I can’t wait to see what we’re doing tomorrow.

Taking off (and safely landing),

Emily

PS- NEW YORK IS SO MUCH FUN I’M NEVER LEAVING LOL BYE ALABAMA

PPS- jk I have to go back to school in like 2ish weeks and I’m not ready 😥

PPPS- LOL STILL HAVEN’T READ MY SUMMER READING HAHAHAHA #rip