traveling again pt. 1: spinning in circles

Once upon a time, I leave New York to go back home to Alabama. The thing I dreaded the most? The airport.

If you’ve read some of my previous blogs, you’ll know that I am EXTREMELY directionally challenged. This trip proved nothing different.

I walked into the airport optimistically. I had managed to survive the flights and layover to New York, so the flights and layover back shouldn’t be too bad, right? Wrong. My ability to get lost surprised me in new ways that I had never even imagined.

Let’s start off at the beginning, shall we? I found my way to the check in desk, and managed to check-in without any big problems. However, the problems came and followed me around when I began to look for the security check.

I began walking through the check-in area, searching for a sign or directions (or anything really, I was desperate) to the security check. However, when I came face-to-face with the wall of a dead end, I figured I had gone the wrong way. I quickly re-traced my steps and found an escalator. Elated, I took the escalator down to the floor below and began my walk through baggage claims and rental car kiosks. Unfortunately for me, the baggage claim area was really crowded, and I got pushed around until I fell onto one of the moving baggage carousels (tbh I’m actually really surprised and relieved that the thing didn’t break when I thudded my way onto it). I tumbled about in the moving circle as I struggled to somehow get off. Suddenly, a (very attractive ahaha) male stranger kindly reached his hand out to help me off. When I got my feet back onto stable ground, he joked, “Cutest piece of baggage I’ve ever seen.” I began to laugh, but then I caught sight of the time. I had exactly 30 minutes to find and get through security before my plane began boarding. My happy laugh quickly turned into a nervous laugh and I tossed a “thank you” over my shoulder as I began speed-walking my way over to the information desk for help.

The information desk assistant definitely thought there was something wrong with me when I ran up to her and asked her where the security check was, but she pointed me back up the escalator (it was in the opposite direction that I had been walking in ugh I’m stupid) and I finally found my way over to it. The line (thank goodness) wasn’t long, and only my legs had to be patted down, so I managed to make it through relatively quickly.

Now came the hard part– finding my gate. This airport had two concourses (I know, not a lot, but definitely a lot for a directionally challenged person). I checked my ticket, took a deep breath, and made my way over to Concourse B. Fast-forward about 10 minutes, and I’m running my way over to Concourse A (my actual concourse) and trying to find my gate. Somehow, I managed to find my gate without much trouble and I made it just in time to directly board my plane (#lit who’s a boss).

So now I’m on my way to Washington D.C. for my layover back to Alabama. Fingers crossed that I won’t get lost again!

Soaring through the sky (ohmygoodness I just saw the washington monument),

Emily

PS- these pretzels are really salty

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fat-shamed

Once upon a time, I met up with family in New York.

The first thing they said to me? Wow, Emily, you’ve gotten fat.

I had known that I had gotten a bit chubbier over the summer because I was cramming 24/7 for bio 2, during college (augh the freshman 15), and had been extremely stressed because I was doing research at the same time, but I hadn’t expected this response from my aunts that I hadn’t seen in years. Everything I “messed up” on had to do with weight. Can’t reach the top shelf in a store? Oh it’s because you’re fat now. Hey, if you weren’t fat, you wouldn’t have tripped on that crack in the sidewalk. Can’t fit into 0 sized jeans? Shame on you. You’re a young lady, your body is instrumental in finding a boyfriend. Every time I slumped my shoulders or didn’t have perfect posture, I was immediately reprimanded or grabbed by the shoulders so that my “fat rolls” wouldn’t show (fun fact, I only have a small fat roll when I eat a ton of food and slump over @mom you saw me one time).

I didn’t understand. When I went to have my annual check-up with my doctor a couple of weeks ago, he had told me that I was at a good weight for my height and age. He had said that I was perfectly healthy and doing well. So why was everybody suddenly so focused on my weight? What had happened in the two weeks that came in between my check-up and my trip? My weight hadn’t changed, so what could it be?

I wrestled with this during my entire trip. My body image was shot, and everything I wore seemed to look bad on me. I felt sad and uncomfortable while eating at meals and I tried to remedy this by eating less and less. To make things worse, I got my period, which meant extra bloating, stomach cramps, and hormones. I began to cry myself to sleep because I couldn’t have a “skinny” body. Surrounded by younger athletic cousins, who were extremely tall and thin, my sister (who was on her way to becoming anorexic), and family, who were punching down my self-confidence, I wanted to scream, cry, and disappear all at the same time.

After being removed from that environment (I came back to Alabama because college was starting soon) and with a bunch of motivational posts from Pinterest, I’ve managed to rebuild my body image. I’m still struggling with this issue, but I’m slowly working my way back to where I used to be.

I’ve changed my diet to be a bit healthier, but I’m mainly focused on doing what’s best for my body. I’m not one to starve myself, and I’m definitely not one to force myself to throw up. I’m taking note of the past, but moving forward.

Happy and healthy,

Emily

traveling pt. 2: still lost and hungry, but happy

I NEED COFFEE.

I officially landed and situated myself in Washington DC’s airport (YAY ME). After I took care of the more pressing matters (relieving my very full bladder and finding water), I was ready to look for my gate (layovers are so lit). I aimlessly walked around (almost out of the airport by accident #whoops) until I found a helpful TV with departing flights and their gates. I snapped a few pictures of the screen (I also accidentally took a couple selfies of myself before I realized that the front camera was on hahahaha I’m observant) and headed out to find my gate.

I was completely lost. Everyone was rushing around, rapidly talking on phones, and herding their children to different destinations. Eventually a kind stranger stopped and asked if I needed help (I had been standing to the side of the crowd with a blank look on my face). He then pointed me in the right direction, and with the help of 2 more good Samaritans, I found my gate.

After memorizing the location and taking a bunch of pictures of the surroundings, I set off to stop my (loudly) growling stomach. Because my flight was from 10 pm to 12:30 am, I knew that I would need to have some coffee to keep myself awake and coherent. Thus, I began to search for a Starbucks. My search became a bit more frantic when I couldn’t seem to find one. In my inner chaos, I managed to stumble upon an airport map (like why didn’t I find this earlier when I was trying to find my gate) where I saw the disturbing news– the airport didn’t have a Starbucks.

The world suddenly shifted and my brain immediately shut down (hahaha because it was working so well before #couldn’tfindthegate). I was shocked. What was I going to do? How was I going to use my free drink reward #goldstatus #wootwoot)????? I immediately called my mom to tell her my earth-shattering news. She didn’t exactly respond in the way that I was hoping she would (she told me to move on and stop wasting time. AUGH BUT STARBUCKS). I quickly took her words of wisdom to heart and headed off to find other food and coffee sources.

Luckily, my sense of direction seemed to be improving, as I managed to find the small food court without much trouble. I strolled through the mini restaurants and immediately lost my cool when I saw it. What was it you may be asking? It was the best thing I had ever seen in my entire life; it was an Asian restaurant dedicated to steamed buns (aka the most delicious things in the entire world). What did I do? LOL I quickly ran over to the restaurant and hopped in line. The line slowly inched forward until it suddenly surged forward, with many of the customers walking away. Surprised, I happily skipped up to the counter and spouted out my order. Unfortunately, the store had officially sold out of EVERYTHING for the day, so I was forced to forage for food elsewhere.

As I dejectedly walked away, I managed to stumble upon a pick your own topping pizza restaurant. Excited again, I jumped in line and began to plan out my pizza in my head. However, my efforts were once again foiled when the restaurant ran out of normal pizza dough. Determined to get some form of food, I asked if they had any other possible pizza doughs. They mentioned that they had a couple of gluten-free pizza crusts available, but that it would cost four dollars more. I sighed and shelled out more of my money, paying fifteen dollars for a pizza for one.

When they finally served me my pizza, I was astounded because the pizza in front of me was smothered in cheese and covered in vegetables, the opposite of what I had ordered (I had ordered a no cheese, meat pizza #lit). Being a not very take charge person, I hesitated to send back my pizza, but I had no choice because I’m lactose intolerant (and I was NOT going to have bowel issues on a plane). When I nervously sent back my pizza and asked for my actual order, they sent me a different pizza with no cheese but still with only vegetables. That’s when I officially gave up and walked back to my gate to eat my kale, cheeseless pizza.

By the time I finished half of my pizza (ew vegetables), it was time to board the plane and I didn’t have time to find a source of caffeine. Luckily, nothing too bad happened to the people surrounding me due to my lack of caffeine, and I somehow managed to communicate politely and attentively to my airplane seat neighbor (the Dr. Pepper I had on the plane might have helped because I honestly have no idea how I managed to do this).

When I finally landed in New York, I pulled out my phone, played “Welcome to New York” by Taylor Swift, and dramatically walked through the airport with a sense of wonder. I had forgotten earphones so this was slightly awkward, but people seemed to like it and the pilot even smiled at me.

All in all, the journey to New York was a struggle, but it was worth it. Being reunited with my cousins (and parents thank goodness) and exploring the big city has been so much fun, and I can’t wait to see what we’re doing tomorrow.

Taking off (and safely landing),

Emily

PS- NEW YORK IS SO MUCH FUN I’M NEVER LEAVING LOL BYE ALABAMA

PPS- jk I have to go back to school in like 2ish weeks and I’m not ready 😥

PPPS- LOL STILL HAVEN’T READ MY SUMMER READING HAHAHAHA #rip

 

traveling pt.1: out of shape, dehydrated, and lost

Once upon a time, I went on a trip to New York. The summer semester had just ended and I was excited to relax a bit and enjoy the city. The catch? My family flew out early because they wanted to spend more time shopping. I had to fly alone.

Anyone who knows me will know that I am directionally challenged (if you tell me to go left I will most definitely go right.) You could see how this could be problematic, right? Anyways, on the day of my flight (also the day of my final exam… yeah ikr packing and studying at the same time was a nightmare) I studiously packed my 3.4 oz and less fluids into a quart sized bag and took a deep breath as I made my way to the airport.

When I got up to the counter, the attendant mentioned that my flight to Washington D.C. had been delayed so much, that I would miss my layover (which was the last flight of the day to NY).Luckily, my mom had the foresight to send a family friend to meet me at the airport (#momskillz). As I started to panic, the lovely family friend took over and began to rearrange things with the attendant. It turned out that the flight before mine had one open seat left, so I was able to get the last ticket. Once I calmed down a bit, I began to thank the wonderful family friend for helping me. However, the attendant interrupted me in the middle of my spiel, and told me to run. I had 10 minutes to get through security and to get to my plane because it was about to take off (AHHH I WASN’T IN SHAPE ENOUGH FOR THIS).

I made my way over to the TSA checkpoint (internally cringing because they always pat me down and rifle through my bags). Luckily, they were happy about my rule-following fluid packing skills (thank you google) and rapidly rushed me through. As I celebrated this small victory, I barreled my way over to my gate ( I sped walked past it two times until a helpful gentleman pointed me to my gate) with a solid 3 minutes to spare. After boarding the itty bitty plane, I realized that I was extremely thirsty (no thanks to the salty salty fries that I had eaten for lunch). Unfortunately, I had stuffed my carry-on backpack with my water into the little compartment above my seat and my neighbor was in a deep sleep (rip me). Thus, I slowly breathed in and out, trying not to think about my parched mouth. Somehow, I survived the long hour until refreshments were served, and I hastily gulped down my water.

Fast forward about 10 minutes, and I’m dying. Why? Because I have the bladder of a squirrel. I pee about once or twice each hour (in case you were wondering). So as I avoided the glaring fact that I had to pee, I pretended to take a nap, dreaming about soft cloud pillows and sunshine blankies. Suddenly, a loud noise jolted me awake (ha my pretend nap turned into a real one). The flight attendant was telling us to prepare for descent (THANK GOODNESS). This was when I realized that I was now extremely thirsty and that I also really had to pee (like what the heck how is this possible).

Anyways, the plane landed and we rushed our way into the airport, where I embarked on a new adventure (aka tried to find the bathroom) and was reunited with the sweet relief of being hydrated (yay water).

And the story continues (because I still have to find my gate for my flight to New York, and find food because my tummy is SO HUNGRYYYY).

See ya in a bit!

Emily

PS- pls pray for me I’m actually lost hahahahahahaha rip me

procrastination

What happened to the dodo birds? Do birds eat petunias? How do you grow petunias? Can I grow coffee in my backyard? How do I open my own coffee shop? How can I become a hipster?  How do I finish my 1,000 word literary analysis on The Crying of Lot 49 and Pattern Recognition in the next 2 hours? (Hahahahaha totally not a specific example if you know what I mean )

Congratulations! You did it! You got sucked into the black hole called procrastination. How do you get out of it? Well, that’s a slippery slope. Not many mortals can get out, let alone get out alive. Luckily, I’ve never procrastinated (EVER) and I’m here to give you some tips on how to not procrastinate when you’re facing a due date (I’m basically saving your life). Here we goooo.

  1. Write a blog post about procrastinating! If you have a huge assignment due the next day, start off by writing a blog post with some tips on how to not procrastinate. You HAVE to impart your wisdom on the losers that do procrastinate.
  2. Take some personality quizzes. You need to know your Myers-Briggs personality type, your star sign (and of course your horoscope for the month), which Disney princess you are, what type of dog you should adopt, which pretty little liar you are, which TV show you should watch, etc.  in order to know how to best study. You must know everything about yourself in order to be able to form a study plan/ writing schedule/ homework question approach.
  3. Text all your friends (to share your results duh). You need to send all of your friends screenshots of your quiz results with links to the surveys so they can take them too. They say friends that study together stay together. You’re doing them a favor by helping them form their study plans. Look at you, being a good person.
  4. Take a restful study break. You’ll be tired after taking all those quizzes and talking to all of your friends. Take a nice 2 hour nap and watch some TV to help yourself relax and recharge.
  5. Refuel. Now that you’ve relaxed and recharged, you’re going to be hungry. Studying is hard work, so make yourself some yummy food. Chicken alfredo, chocolate chip cookies, pizza, fries, pie, chicken nuggets, icecream, and one piece of lettuce (ya gotta be healthy dude) are all needed to provide you with ample energy to do your work.
  6. Ooops you got a little carried away with all the food. Now you have too much energy. Guess you’ll just have to clean your living space a bit. You know, just vacuum your floors, clean your toilet and bathtub, dust, polish your counters, pick up all your dirty clothes and hand-clean them, scrub all the tiled surfaces, take out the trash, organize your desk, make your bed, wash all your dishes, and fluff up all the pillows that you own.
  7. Check the time. Wow, it feels like you’ve been SUPER busy, so check the time to remind yourself of all the time you still have to complete your assignment.
  8. Do a bit of online shopping. You’ve just reminded yourself of how much time you have left, so TREAT YO’SELF. You’re about to crush this assignment/ study session. You deserve a new little somethin-somethin.
  9. Go on social media. You’ve been working hard for so long that you need to catch up with what all your friends are doing. Feel free to tweet out a couple of studying tips or studying selfies. You’ve got time.
  10. Get to work. So what if it’s 3 a.m.? You took a nap earlier, you’ll be fine. Open up your textbook/ laptop and get to work. You are now 100% prepared to work on your homework.
  11. Take a power nap. You’ve been working for 2 hours straight. You deserve a nap before you do anything else. Plus, if you’re lucky, you’ll have a nice dream about the book that you’re writing about in your paper or about the topic that you’re studying/ completing the homework on.
  12. Get back to work. It’s now 7 a.m. You’ve got an entire hour before your assignment’s due/ you take your test. YOU GOT THIS. EASY.
  13. Turn in your assignment/ show up for your test at 7:59 a.m. Are you a gangster or what? You have the best timing ever.
  14. CELEBRATE BECAUSE YOU’RE A BOSS

That’s all you have to do! Follow my foolproof plan, and you’ll never procrastinate again! What can I say, except, you’re welcome!

Expecting many thank you notes,

Emily

PS- disregard everything I wrote I’m procrastinating right now by writing this post hahahaha I’m supposed to be studying for my bio test AHAHAHAHAHA rip me

 

back to school tips

Wait, what’s school?

Mmmmm don’t you just love back to school time? The new pencils, the cute planners, the fancy binders, the sparkly new pencil pouch, fresh packets of paper? The stacks of summer reading books, the newly lost pencils, the fresh piles of homework? Fun, huh? It’s so much fun, that I decided to give you 7 tips on how to survive all the school fun (enjoying yourself too much can be painful).

  1. Delay waking up in the morning until the last minute. I know you want to jump up and tackle a new day full of school and homework, but once again, PLAY IT COOL. You wouldn’t want to scare the sun by waking up too fast, would you?
  2. Always be late to class. You like attention, right? Everyone’s eyes will be on you as you strut into the class 10 minutes late. You’ll be a star.
  3. Don’t smile. In order to not have sore cheek muscles, you need to not smile while you’re having fun learning at school. Instead, try a grumpy, expressionless face and mix it up with a few grimaces (to keep your cheek muscles in shape duh). Your cheek muscles will thank you.
  4. Groan when you are assigned a large chunk of homework. I know you love it because it takes up all of your free time and keeps you busy 24/7, but try to hide your joy. Play it cool, okay?
  5. Don’t raise your hand when you answer a question. You’re just a kid. You don’t have the strength to raise your hand. Getting up early in the morning was enough strain on your body, you don’t want to overdo it.
  6. Text in class. So what if you don’t have enough energy to raise your hand? You’ve got strong fingers, and you wouldn’t want them to loose all their muscles, right?
  7. Don’t bring any school supplies with you. That’s what friends and the teacher are for, right?

Have fun in school kiddos! As long as you DON’T follow any of my tips you’ll be sure to have a blast! Enjoy it while you can. 12 years of education fly by in the blink of an eye.

Best wishes,

Emily

PS- hahaha suckers you’re still stuck in school

PPS- rip me I have summer reading too

PPPS- I haven’t started my summer reading

PPPPS- rip me I forgot I’m still in college and I have classes and homework

 

when Mike isn’t Mike

Once upon a time, I was dejectedly making my way back from lab. It had been a long day full of dissections, phone calls, and grumpy patients. I slowly moved one foot in front of the other, dreaming of my comfy bed.

All of the sudden, I saw a pair of very fancy dress shoes. I RECOGNIZED THOSE SHOES. I RECOGNIZED THAT STYLE OF CLOTHING, SHINY BLONDE HAIR, AND IMPECCABLE POSTURE. I promptly tripped in my excitement. After I recovered from my fall, I happy screamed my way over to Mike and hugged him. I then made my customary derpy face at him. When I managed to rein in my enthusiasm, I opened my eyes and looked up at Mike for his response. Imagine my surprise, when I opened my eyes and saw NOT-Mike.

I was shook. I didn’t know what to do, and my brain immediately initiated “Awkward Emily” response, which consists of nervous laughter and an immediate increase of clumsiness. Luckily, Not-Mike started laughing before I was able to get to really clumsy. He then proceeded to tell me that he was gay, and not interested in pursuing a relationship with me. I, proceeded to tell him that I knew he was gay, and that we were going to be friends because he looked exactly like my gay friend Mike. His face suddenly became interested as he prodded me show him some pictures of Mike.

Me, being the courteous lady that I am, scrolled through Mike’s profile pics from social media and then through my personal stash of Mike photos, which consisted of him with a BUNCH of bananas (hahahahaha this was me and juhee’s present to him for valentine’s day) and the birthday collage that I had made for him (it was basically him doing really funny and random things #latenightadventures hahaha I’m a great friend).

Not-Mike was hooked. He wanted to know EVERYTHING about Mike, so I dished out fact after fact about him. After a bit, he asked, “So, how old is Mike?” When I mentioned that Mike was 18, he paled and said that he was 26. Unfortunately, Not-Mike was scared off by the age gap.

When he told me he couldn’t date Mike because the age gap was too large, I sadly nodded, but instantly perked up when he asked me if I had seen the latest episode of The Bachelorette. I screamed in joy, and began my lament about the Blake K. getting voted off situation and how much I hated the stupid Whaboom guy. We then moved on to Pretty Little Liars, favorite icecream, bow ties (I told him he should get a sparkly bow tie @Mike you need to get one too), and his sisters. He was team waffle, team gelato, and team edward. He would have been perfect. If only he had been a tad bit younger, and Mike had been a tad bit older.

Alas, not all things are meant to be, and we parted our ways. I nervously texted Mike everything that had happened, and we ended up stalking Not-Mike on social media for a good 20 minutes. Mike had dodged a bullet with Not-Mike. Not-Mike had very different political views that Mike didn’t agree with, and had typed out a couple of unsavory posts about certain topics that shall remain unnamed. As Mike and I talked over what had happened, we ended up laughing about the fact that I made an extremely derpy face at a stranger, and how I always managed to get into crazy situations.

Before we ended our conversation, Micah charged me with one task: to keep on hugging random gay guys that look like him on the street (his theory was that eventually, one guy would be a good fit). However, I think my days of hugging random strangers on the street are over, and I’ve come up with an easier way to find Micah some hot guys. If you’re a hot gay guy that’d be interested in a sassy, sweet, science-y, smart, and stylish guy like Mike, hit me up and I’ll get you two connected <3.

Signing off,

Emily

PS- if you know any hot, straight guys, send them MY way

PPS- Emillyyyyyy why don’t you have a picture of Mike on here? How will we know if he’s actually that great? -Would I have happy screamed and hugged him if he wasn’t? Trust me, he’s the best dude you’ll ever meet.

PPPS- wow don’t you just love it when love is in the air

PPPPS- moral of the story- double check to see that it’s actually your friend before you surprise hug him

 

How to not Destroy your Eyes

This post is lovingly dedicated to all of my friends who do crazy things to their eyes. You know who you are. I hope you don’t go blind.

As an aspiring optometrist, I’ve learned a couple of things from my many hours of shadowing. I also have a pretty hefty amount of common sense (@friends how do you guys not have this). So, I’ve provided a helpful list of 8 things not to do to your poor little pair of eyes (they may or may not be specific examples from my friends #CALLEDOUT.)

  1. Don’t skip your annual visit to your optometrist’s office. Especially if you’re a contact lens wearer. Your eyes change so much, and so many bad things can happen to your eyes if you wear contacts. Seriously. I would attach pictures, but they’re really gross and graphic, so I’ll spare you the pain. We can also see other health problems just from checking your eyes. High blood pressure, diabetes, autoimmune disorders, cancer, and tumors are just a couple of examples. Don’t skip your appointment.
  2. Clean your contacts. Please. You don’t want an eye infection.
  3. Don’t clean your contacts with water. Use a contact lens solution. Please. Bacteria from the water could do really bad things to your eyes.
  4. If you run into a tree and a branch goes into your eye (you know who you are), you should go get it checked out with your optometrist. Rubbing your eye repeatedly won’t fix the damage to your cornea that you just caused.
  5. If you can’t see, try putting on your glasses. Remember that pair of glasses that you were prescribed? The pair that you paid good money for? Yeah, those will help you see clearly.
  6. Don’t borrow contacts from your friends. Everyone has a different prescription, and this can lead to headaches and eye strain. Wanna hear a fun story? One time, a friend borrowed a pair of contacts from another friend, and fell asleep  in them. In the morning, she found her contacts, and put them in. Everything was blurry, so she took her contacts out. But, her vision still wasn’t completely clear. Thus, she began freaking out and planning to go to the ER. After a while, she realized that she still had her friend’s contacts in, and promptly took them out, vowing to never borrow contacts again.
  7. Don’t have staring competitions at the sun. You’re literally frying up your retinas.
  8. If you spill hot sauce in your eye, FLUSH IT OUT with water or a saline solution. Blinking will not make a dent in the pain that you are feeling in your eye.

You’ve only got one pair of eyes. Don’t destroy them. Eye wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Emily

A Note to Myself

Dear Emily,

Don’t give up. It gets better than this. This is temporary pain for future gain. In a few weeks, 4 to be exact, this constant state of worry and stress will be over. You won’t have to wake up at 6 a.m. and stay up late studying. After this, you won’t be constantly living and breathing biology. Furthermore, those pesky nightmares about making the perfect grade will go away. You will be free to walk around without the weight of a ten pound biology book.

The class you’re taking is a weed-out class, but you’re not a weed. You’re so much better. You are the smart, tenacious, brilliant PETUNIA of your dreams. You are a strong, independent woman. YOU GOT THIS.

So what if you’re triggered every time you see a living creature? You now know their taxonomy, and a whole list of random facts about them. So what if you now think of the path your food takes and the enzymes involved in digestion when you eat? So what if you think of the male and female reproductive systems when you listen to “Life’s a Party” by Hannah Montana because you made up new lyrics to help you study? So what if you randomly spout out “fun” facts about plants that you see when you’re walking? So what if you now have huge bags under your eyes and you’re always tense?

All of this will be worth it when you receive your final grade and successfully complete the class. Just remember, you can do this. You’re already more than halfway done with the class. Push through, and the next thing you know, you’ll be happily binge watching High School Musical, lounging by the pool, catching up with friends, and sleeping to your heart’s content.

You’re stronger than you think.

~Emily

How to Get a Guy to Talk to You

Once upon a time, I was studying for my Biology II Lab exam on the Kingdom Animalia. After learning all the different orders of Class Insecta, I was feeling extremely stressed and a bit grossed out. So, I did the only thing that could have been done: I put on my jingle bell anklets (from my roomie) and started tap dancing (@mom hahaha my 12 years of dance training didn’t go to waste #lit). This is something that has helped me work through the tsunamis and hurricanes of homework and exams for years now. How does this relate to getting a guy to talk to you? Shhhh, I’m getting there.

Boy oh boy, I was killing it. I pulled all of my times steps, breakaways, and old tap routines out of storage and performed them full out. I was in the middle of my one woman kick-line when I heard a pounding at the door (ugh it threw off my groove I totally slipped and face-planted). Quickly crawling my way over to the door, I pulled myself up from the ground and opened the door. Wow. There was a hot dude on my doorstep. Unfortunately for me, he had a scowl on his face.

“Hey could you keep it down? I’m trying to work downstairs.”

I nodded slowly, in awe of his beauty. As he turned and walked down the stairs, I shut the door and ran to text my bestie (because what else are you supposed to do when you see a hot guy?) We exchanged frantic texts where she suggested glitter taping him (this is why I love my bestie @Juhee you da best) and it eventually snowballed into a master plan: be so loud that he comes back and glitter tape him (BEST IDEA EVER, RIGHT?).

Thus, I grabbed my handy dandy glitter tape and continued tippity-tapping away. Sure enough, I was graced with his beautiful presence in the next 5 minutes.

“Hey I have work to do and I can’t concentrate with you stomping around with…ARE YOU WEARING BELLS ON YOUR ANKLES?! I knew I wasn’t crazy! What the heck?!!”

Step one down. Time to initiate step two. I slowly pulled out my glitter tape, stuck a pink sparkly “x” over his mouth, and took a deep breath as I prepared for my response for step three.

“One, it’s called tap dancing. Two, what the heck I’m classically trained. It sounds 10,993,728,300 times ( I’m really proud of myself for making up such a random, big number on the spot) better than stomping. Three, it helps me when I’m stressed. Four, if you’re so stressed, maybe you should try it too!” As I stopped to take a breath, I looked up at him, and he had the most confused expression on his face. Then he pulled off the glitter tape and asked me, “Are you drunk?” I hurriedly waved my hands and said “Oh no, I don’t drink.”

We both stood there awkwardly for a moment, and then he started laughing. He laughed so hard that he bent over and had to wipe tears away from his eyes. Once he recovered from his bout of laughter, he straightened and asked me, “Seriously?” I nodded in return, and he said, “Alright, show me your moves.”

I quickly resumed my one woman kick-line and segued into a routine that I had learned at a master class once. When I finished, he clapped and said, “Wow, you’re pretty good!” I responded with the only answer I could think of, “Yeah dude, I’m awesome.” He then proceeded to ask me to teach him how to tap dance his stress away, and we had fun. I taught him a simple time step and the difference between a shuffle and a flap. When we finished tapping, he excitedly looked at me, and laughingly said, “Omg, I’m gonna go tap downstairs and annoy my downstairs neighbor!” Andddd step five of my plan was complete: the annoying habit had been spread.

Andddd that’s how you get a guy to talk to you. If you have a hot neighbor who lives below you, just casually tap dance loudly with jingle bell anklets on. He’ll definitely come talk to you. Also, make sure to have a roll of glitter tape on hand because glitter taping things is fun.

Okay, in all seriousness, if you want a guy to talk to you, just be yourself! I was my weird ol’ little self and I made a new friend! Granted, he’s 8 years older than me, so we have more of a big bro, lil’ sis relationship, but you can never have too many of those! Nice looking big bros can come in handy.

Tapping through life,

Emily

PS- yes, this actually happened

PPS- yes, I am that weird

PPPS- life is fun