back to school tips

Wait, what’s school?

Mmmmm don’t you just love back to school time? The new pencils, the cute planners, the fancy binders, the sparkly new pencil pouch, fresh packets of paper? The stacks of summer reading books, the newly lost pencils, the fresh piles of homework? Fun, huh? It’s so much fun, that I decided to give you 7 tips on how to survive all the school fun (enjoying yourself too much can be painful).

  1. Delay waking up in the morning until the last minute. I know you want to jump up and tackle a new day full of school and homework, but once again, PLAY IT COOL. You wouldn’t want to scare the sun by waking up too fast, would you?
  2. Always be late to class. You like attention, right? Everyone’s eyes will be on you as you strut into the class 10 minutes late. You’ll be a star.
  3. Don’t smile. In order to not have sore cheek muscles, you need to not smile while you’re having fun learning at school. Instead, try a grumpy, expressionless face and mix it up with a few grimaces (to keep your cheek muscles in shape duh). Your cheek muscles will thank you.
  4. Groan when you are assigned a large chunk of homework. I know you love it because it takes up all of your free time and keeps you busy 24/7, but try to hide your joy. Play it cool, okay?
  5. Don’t raise your hand when you answer a question. You’re just a kid. You don’t have the strength to raise your hand. Getting up early in the morning was enough strain on your body, you don’t want to overdo it.
  6. Text in class. So what if you don’t have enough energy to raise your hand? You’ve got strong fingers, and you wouldn’t want them to loose all their muscles, right?
  7. Don’t bring any school supplies with you. That’s what friends and the teacher are for, right?

Have fun in school kiddos! As long as you DON’T follow any of my tips you’ll be sure to have a blast! Enjoy it while you can. 12 years of education fly by in the blink of an eye.

Best wishes,


PS- hahaha suckers you’re still stuck in school

PPS- rip me I have summer reading too

PPPS- I haven’t started my summer reading

PPPPS- rip me I forgot I’m still in college and I have classes and homework



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