How to Get a Guy to Talk to You

Once upon a time, I was studying for my Biology II Lab exam on the Kingdom Animalia. After learning all the different orders of Class Insecta, I was feeling extremely stressed and a bit grossed out. So, I did the only thing that could have been done: I put on my jingle bell anklets (from my roomie) and started tap dancing (@mom hahaha my 12 years of dance training didn’t go to waste #lit). This is something that has helped me work through the tsunamis and hurricanes of homework and exams for years now. How does this relate to getting a guy to talk to you? Shhhh, I’m getting there.

Boy oh boy, I was killing it. I pulled all of my times steps, breakaways, and old tap routines out of storage and performed them full out. I was in the middle of my one woman kick-line when I heard a pounding at the door (ugh it threw off my groove I totally slipped and face-planted). Quickly crawling my way over to the door, I pulled myself up from the ground and opened the door. Wow. There was a hot dude on my doorstep. Unfortunately for me, he had a scowl on his face.

“Hey could you keep it down? I’m trying to work downstairs.”

I nodded slowly, in awe of his beauty. As he turned and walked down the stairs, I shut the door and ran to text my bestie (because what else are you supposed to do when you see a hot guy?) We exchanged frantic texts where she suggested glitter taping him (this is why I love my bestie @Juhee you da best) and it eventually snowballed into a master plan: be so loud that he comes back and glitter tape him (BEST IDEA EVER, RIGHT?).

Thus, I grabbed my handy dandy glitter tape and continued tippity-tapping away. Sure enough, I was graced with his beautiful presence in the next 5 minutes.

“Hey I have work to do and I can’t concentrate with you stomping around with…ARE YOU WEARING BELLS ON YOUR ANKLES?! I knew I wasn’t crazy! What the heck?!!”

Step one down. Time to initiate step two. I slowly pulled out my glitter tape, stuck a pink sparkly “x” over his mouth, and took a deep breath as I prepared for my response for step three.

“One, it’s called tap dancing. Two, what the heck I’m classically trained. It sounds 10,993,728,300 times ( I’m really proud of myself for making up such a random, big number on the spot) better than stomping. Three, it helps me when I’m stressed. Four, if you’re so stressed, maybe you should try it too!” As I stopped to take a breath, I looked up at him, and he had the most confused expression on his face. Then he pulled off the glitter tape and asked me, “Are you drunk?” I hurriedly waved my hands and said “Oh no, I don’t drink.”

We both stood there awkwardly for a moment, and then he started laughing. He laughed so hard that he bent over and had to wipe tears away from his eyes. Once he recovered from his bout of laughter, he straightened and asked me, “Seriously?” I nodded in return, and he said, “Alright, show me your moves.”

I quickly resumed my one woman kick-line and segued into a routine that I had learned at a master class once. When I finished, he clapped and said, “Wow, you’re pretty good!” I responded with the only answer I could think of, “Yeah dude, I’m awesome.” He then proceeded to ask me to teach him how to tap dance his stress away, and we had fun. I taught him a simple time step and the difference between a shuffle and a flap. When we finished tapping, he excitedly looked at me, and laughingly said, “Omg, I’m gonna go tap downstairs and annoy my downstairs neighbor!” Andddd step five of my plan was complete: the annoying habit had been spread.

Andddd that’s how you get a guy to talk to you. If you have a hot neighbor who lives below you, just casually tap dance loudly with jingle bell anklets on. He’ll definitely come talk to you. Also, make sure to have a roll of glitter tape on hand because glitter taping things is fun.

Okay, in all seriousness, if you want a guy to talk to you, just be yourself! I was my weird ol’ little self and I made a new friend! Granted, he’s 8 years older than me, so we have more of a big bro, lil’ sis relationship, but you can never have too many of those! Nice looking big bros can come in handy.

Tapping through life,

Emily

PS- yes, this actually happened

PPS- yes, I am that weird

PPPS- life is fun

 

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