Once upon a time, a guy used me to break up with his girlfriend.
I was idly sitting in the student center, slurping the final drops of my chicken and wild rice soup, wasting time before I had to go to the lab. I had already finished my Bio 2 case study, played Webkinz ( yeah I know, but IT’S JUST SO MUCH FUN), and checked my email.
All of a sudden, I hear a commotion. Looking around, I spotted a girl yelling at a boy. Intrigued, I discreetly spied on them over the top of my laptop screen. Lauren (the chick’s name was Lauren) was yelling at her now ex-boyfriend (Tyler) for breaking up with her. Loving the drama, I leaned in closer to watch the story unfold. Lauren’s screeches were getting louder and Tyler looked EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I was enjoying every second of it. All of the sudden, my alarm went off (I had set it so I wouldn’t be late to lab). I quickly silenced it and glanced back Lauren and Tyler anddd thank goodness, they didn’t notice my alarm. The scene continued (#lit).
As I slowly packed up my laptop, I continued listening (Lauren was like butter because she was on a roll. She was tearing Tyler apart and was straight up savage.) I sighed, because I knew I would now have to leave this little drama and go to lab.
However, when I walked past them towards the exit, Tyler grabbed my arm. Lauren, pausing to take a breath, didn’t have time to question him before he blurted out, “Lauren, I’m so sorry I had to do this to you, but I actually broke up with you so that I could be with my best friend.” I was so stunned that I dropped everything– lanyard, vanilla soy latte, jacket, EVERYTHING. Tyler graciously bent down and grabbed my stuff for me, taking time to notice my ID, which was in my lanyard baggie. “Lauren, meet Emily.”
Lauren, looked at me, and then stormed off. I still hadn’t been able to process what had just happened, so I stood there frozen (standinggg frozeennn in this life I’ve choseenn). Tyler looked at me, said “Okay cool. See ya!”, and walked off. My brain couldn’t comprehend what had just happened. I had just been written into the drama, and I was the BAD GUY.
I debated tracking down Lauren and telling her that it wasn’t true, but I figured that she already knew that Tyler was a jerk (and I had no idea where she had gone). Then, my brain started working and I got MAD. Tyler had involved me in his kerfluffle, and hadn’t even said “thank you” or rewarded me for my trouble with a cookie (Triple chocolate gluten free cookie of course) from Panera a few paces away. AUGHH. I only like drama when it doesn’t involve me.
Anyways, I angrily stomped to lab to get rid of the angries and then decided to write a blog post about this experience. Tyler, if you’re out there, just know I’m coming for ya. And as for Lauren, I WAS ON YOUR SIDE.
What can you learn from this post? Boys are stupid. Find one that’s not stupid.
See ya soon,
DISCLAIMER: Okay so not ALL boys are stupid. Only the majority of them are. There are some true gems out there. Go find them.
PS- find a boy who will buy you cookies